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A Better Shade Of You

by Sophia Swengel

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walkercadillac
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walkercadillac The heavy hitting drums, the grimy goodness of the prominent bass, and the cryptic complication of the lyrics; I dig this audio sauna that is Sophia Swengel. Favorite track: Dissolve Away.
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1.
Id Slips In 02:38
Was informed to keep my windows open Too much polish could be suffocating But what’s staying rough around the edges If I can’t look good for all my friends Was informed to keep my windows open Too much polish could be suffocating But what’s staying rough around the edges If I can’t look good for all my friends Thought I was tripping That’s when the identity slipped in Thought I was tripping That’s when the identity slipped in A night like this I never knew Can’t form a straight line in the back alley of staying cool Thought I was tripping That’s when the identity slipped in Thought I was tripping That’s when the identity slipped in When my guy came upon me He didn’t know what he was capable of seeing He said “why do you sit there like a monument?” He don't know where I keep my head But I could not be anything But this, can’t you perceive Spat it out and it stings But no one told me I couldn’t amount to nothing In fact, I was encouraged Thought I was tripping That’s when the identity slipped in Thought I was tripping That’s when the identity slipped in
2.
No Delusions 04:17
(unstrumental)
3.
Fire 01:41
Reject the bounty of peace in sleep Before the vital signs become the called for Which is better to be, a roach in the wreckage Or a warning notice on the door You read the book but didn’t you know The headline said the same thing In a thousand words less or so Take a look around When I’m peasant You’re peasant too When I’m sufficient You suffocate the taboo Strength in numbers But don’t give up your mind They’ll need something to exploit When it comes to be your time We’re really great We don't do prior restraint Inverse the excess We’re really great We don’t do prior restraint And we will all join hands When fire meets fire You’re gonna cut your hair Gear up for survival Give them visions of obliteration Something to die for Punch that buggy A life for a lie Seek truth through force and ritual Second nature never dies We’re really great We don't do prior restraint Inverse the excess We’re really great We don’t do prior restraint And we will all join hands When fire meets fire
4.
Dematerialize before my very eyes And then the ground and you were inseparable Something’s dripping down my face Not sure what Been laying there so long Your skin had fused to the path of least resistance To be a part of something bigger than me I sign off my mind to you I wear the uniform so well You know it fits you so well But I apologize if I turned your red to blue 'Cause now you’re a cold sore A frostbite case study And when the death march is done and sold You’ll dissolve away Under secret stars that define our lifelines Our bloodlines suck off our brain cells Shower us in encoded desire Inscribe a letter from the front lines From the depths of the summer I never spent A dime on any of your full time But I enjoyed it all the while Well I was taken aback when you went that far But you know I can’t shake the truth And people stare at me on the street Their expectations I don’t meet The symbols of your love, no one approves 'Cause now you’re a cold sore A frostbite case study And when the death march is done and sold You’ll dissolve away My fear of what you stand against I wave my arms in public but only receive Stares of one face of a million waiting for your cut And I get trampled under Faded banners torn asunder Clinging to what and who can be saved My life was ruined by your love To be part of an endless cycle Taking aim at the targets you choose And it’s genetically proven to be But it’s a surgical kind of sleeve You hum that pumping churning tune 'Cause now you’re a cold sore A frostbite case study And when the death march is done and sold You’ll dissolve away
5.
Cellulited Brain blighted What we want to hear First we stall Then we pounce We whisper sweet nothings in ear I could blow your mind With sweet kisses I could blow your mind With sweet kisses Close the cycle? Baby anaconda Writhering around I’m sleeping in your bed Keel naked You want acid I put bricks in your head I could blow your mind I could blow your mind With sweet kisses I could blow your mind I could blow your mind With sweet kisses Close the cycle? Close!
6.
Malaise 04:42
Small children kneel attentively in a white noise video. Do they still reflect those wishes from so long ago? Have all those ambitions mutated with growth? And have the sunny paths they were told to pave been blocked off by static snow? In the cavity before sweet release simpatico the murky depths. Then we let our trigger hairs grow long and cannibalize ourselves. We permit such behavior, we sign off every breath. Institutionalize the neighbors, flaunt the dents in our heads. And one day there will be a cure For this dismal malaise And the dust will be settled Will bring a new clear day It’s over it’s over It’s totally totally over But a mind well kept Fights purple, a four-leaf clover You keep the mind from looking you sanitize the plate. Then you choke on the soap and smooth away the strength so we contaminate. We can’t let ourselves get lobotomized, it’s a risk we have to take. We must fortify and amplify before it is too late. If I had been raised in a secluded community, stepping outside with that look in my eye would trigger a technicolor dream. Would the first time breathing in truth turn you acid casualty? Best shave your head and eyebrows too since this you cannot unsee. And one day there will be a cure For this dismal malaise And the dust will be settled Will bring a new clear day It’s over it’s over It’s totally totally over But a mind well kept Fights purple, a four-leaf clover It’s a deep bleed and a struggle for those who choose to think. Rush run the streets and bayonet, put something in his drink. Divide and outnumber before the enemy can blink. A mass of cells of meaty colors all run in sync. Well cross your heart and find a cross to string yourself up on. Dust off that dialectic, iron that uniform. Breathe in the air, storm the inside sacred home. Only to be greeted by a M16 aimed straight at the dome. And one day there will be a cure For this dismal malaise And the dust will be settled Will bring a new clear day It’s over it’s over It’s totally totally over But a mind well kept Fights purple, a four-leaf clover
7.
Privilege 01:09
Hold back Force it upon him Hold back Force it down his Throat humanitarianism Supply it to him Don’t let him resist All the mercy We're giving him be gentle Do him a favor Be gentle Grant him the privilege
8.
Confirming live transmission reruns Of old war movies boil inside Observant taking mental notes Swim tiny pieces lungs align See smoke screen guise and sailor sky Wire locust on the demirep All personal belongings thrown out or broken Couldn’t excavate what’s left He screens the eyes and locks the eyes Stiff as a board, wanna take a dive? He’s practicing perfection No one knows his brain got fractured along the way And now he’s reduced to the quiet room He sleeps and stays and sleeps and stays The paint husks skin from his self portrait Subterranean molecular scan Humming background churning aching Leeches the dead playpen He screens the eyes and locks the eyes Stiff as a board, wanna take a dive?
9.
You got a Different kind of time Put the thing Where the thing go Shoot your name across the field in morse code Rely Deny Let’s, walk down the street Can you stand on your head Deny a media blackout in peacetime 25 cents My two Down the barrel of a Open your mouth Not scared Go to class It’s all in the past No building Nor nature Can stand in your way Let your shadow stretch out Deny a media blackout in peacetime Rely Deny Let’s, walk down the street Can you stand on your head Deny a media blackout in peacetime Tell me what it means To be
10.
New Year's 03:20
Near footsteps forming laced with new year’s The forefront of the mind The favorite army, boots and ready The chain build must unwind Remember: Every pin that dropped And every pin pushed too far in I never want to hear your Side of the story you’re telling A subtle noise can breach the wall And stand your nerves on end The innocent can blink in time And rape by pure existence- Remember: Every pin that dropped And every pin pushed too far in I never want to hear your Side of the story you’re telling She’s beautiful with militant leg And now she’s all you see But small parts gestate can not equate A Statue of Liberty Remember: Every pin that dropped And every pin pushed too far in I never want to hear your Side of the story you’re telling Remember the soldiers who desecrate And spit on passing time Remember the brain waves conquered and trafficked My information high And suddenly, the frosted glass There’s buzzing in my ear And finally, the steaming heat I faced my greatest fear She’s beautiful with hostile leg And now she’s all you see But small parts gestate can not equate A Statue of Liberty Remember: Every pin that dropped And every pin pushed too far in I never want to hear your Side of the story you’re telling
11.
Apogee 04:16
Fizzled out again coruscate Extraordinary Supercharge in sleep to breathe Take that you electrocuted pretties and neither the Lab coats nor the hippies get it In the apogee you slip it Don’t touch it Don’t touch it It’s a perfect picture Well nobody in life ever told me what to do Nobody in life ever told me what to do Nobody in life Ever told me what to do I can make it only if you can He told him, “you won’t need glasses in heaven Say goodbye to contact lenses” Your groping light Stumbling down your aisle And it’s cold why didn’t I bring a cardigan I was just looking for some milk to pour over your head Don’t touch it Look upon it Do I get to join this war effort again? The side effects your best bet Baby can you feel it yet? The stripping of the sick bed All this self regiment I can make it only if you can “You don’t play well with others And seldom heard” In the flotsam We live with the mess Don’t touch it Don’t touch it Don’t change it It’s perfect now

about

11 beautiful songs. Digitized manifesto-style pastoral commentaries from one shivering child soldier to you.

credits

released December 19, 2023

Music, lyrics, performance, direction, design, et al. by Sophia Swengel, AKA me. Recorded and engineered in my room across the second half of 2023. All vocals recorded in the Kent State University library's free recording booth.

Thanks: Joe, Chic, Craig, Matt, Al, David, and Malcolm. Track 11 for Roger Keith.

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Sophia Swengel Kent, Ohio

The girl of your dreams.

Official webpage: personal.kent.edu/~sswengel

Blog: transmissionsfromthebattlefield.com

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